Therapy for Pregnancy, Postpartum, and Beyond
Pregnancy and motherhood are often described as joyful and beautiful. And they can be.
But they can also feel lonely, frightening, exhausting, and very different from what you expected.
You may have wanted this pregnancy for a long time. You may love your baby deeply. You may feel grateful for what you have.
And you may still feel anxious, angry, sad, trapped, disconnected, or completely overwhelmed.
Many women tell me:
“I thought I would feel differently.”
There can be a painful gap between how you imagined motherhood and how it actually feels.
You may look at other mothers and think they are handling it better. They seem calm, connected, and confident. Meanwhile, you are worried all the time, crying in the bathroom, getting angry with your partner, or simply trying to make it through the day.
You may wonder:
What is wrong with me?
There may be nothing wrong with you.
You may be going through one of the biggest changes of your life without enough sleep, enough support, or a place where you can be honest about how hard it feels.
You Are Not the Only One
According to Postpartum Support International, studies show that 1 in 5 women may experience depression or anxiety during pregnancy or after having a baby.
You are not weak. You are not ungrateful. You are not failing as a mother.
Sometimes women do not realize they are struggling because their experience does not match the picture they have of postpartum depression.
You may not be staying in bed all day. You may not be crying in front of everyone.
You may still be feeding your baby, going to work, answering messages, making appointments, and taking care of everything that needs to be done.
On the outside, you may look like you are managing.
Inside, you may feel like you are falling apart.
Pregnancy Can Bring More Than Excitement
Pregnancy can bring hope, excitement, and anticipation. It can also bring fear, uncertainty, and the uncomfortable realization that you cannot control everything.
Pregnancy involves a lot of waiting.
You wait for appointments. You wait for test results. You wait to feel the baby move. You wait to hear that everything is okay.
You may find yourself checking your body, searching online, reading other women’s birth stories, or asking the same questions again and again.
The reassurance may help for a little while.
Then another worry appears.
You may be afraid of miscarriage, medical complications, labor, pain, losing control, or something happening to the baby.
You may also worry about what kind of mother you will be.
Will I know what to do?
Will I feel connected to my baby?
Will my relationship survive this?
Will I lose myself?
You may feel pressure to enjoy your pregnancy because this is something you wanted. That pressure can make it even harder to admit that you are scared.
Therapy gives you a place to say the things you may not feel able to say anywhere else.
Postpartum Anxiety: What It Can Feel Like
Postpartum anxiety can begin after your baby is born, but anxiety can also begin or become stronger during pregnancy.
You may feel worried most of the time, even when there is no clear reason for it.
Your mind may move quickly from one fear to another.
You may worry about the pregnancy, the birth, the baby’s health, feeding, sleep, germs, development, or whether you are doing something wrong.
You may notice that:
You cannot stop worrying, even when people tell you everything is okay
Your thoughts keep racing
You keep imagining that something bad will happen
You check your body or your baby over and over
You keep asking other people for reassurance
You spend a lot of time searching online for answers
You feel nervous, tense, restless, or constantly on edge
You have trouble relaxing, even when nothing is happening
You cannot sleep even when you finally have the chance
You feel more angry, irritable, or overwhelmed than usual
Your appetite changes
Your body feels tense, shaky, nauseated, or unable to settle
Part of you may know that your baby is okay, but your mind and body do not believe it.
As soon as one worry passes, another one takes its place.
People may tell you:
“Just relax.”
“Stop Googling.”
“Everything is fine.”
“Just enjoy this precious time.”
But you cannot simply switch the fear off.
You may hide what is happening because you are afraid people will judge you, dismiss you, or think you are not ready to be a mother.
You do not need another person telling you to calm down.
You may need someone who will stay with you, take your fears seriously, and help you feel less alone with them.
Postpartum Depression: What It Can Feel Like
Postpartum depression does not always look like staying in bed and crying all day.
You may still get up, feed the baby, go to work, clean the house, answer messages, and take care of everyone around you.
You may smile in pictures and tell people you are fine.
Inside, you may feel sad, empty, angry, disconnected, or completely exhausted.
You may notice that:
You cry more than usual
You feel sad, heavy, or emotionally numb
You no longer enjoy things that used to make you feel good
You feel guilty or ashamed about how you are feeling
You think you should be happier or more grateful
You feel hopeless or cannot imagine things getting better
You feel angry, irritable, or full of rage
You resent your partner or people who seem to have more freedom
Your sleep or appetite changes
You feel exhausted but still cannot rest
You feel disconnected from yourself
You have difficulty feeling close to your baby
You go through the motions without feeling fully present
You keep thinking that you are a bad mother
You may love your baby and still have difficulty feeling connected.
Bonding does not always happen immediately.
For some mothers, that connection grows slowly as they recover physically, get more sleep, receive support, and begin to feel more like themselves.
You may feel grateful for your child and still miss your old life.
You may love being a mother and still hate parts of motherhood.
You may be taking care of everyone while feeling that no one is taking care of you.
These feelings do not make you a bad mother.
They may mean that you are having a hard time and need more support.
After the Baby Arrives, Everyone Asks About the Baby
After birth, most of the attention moves to the baby.
People ask:
Is the baby sleeping?
Is the baby eating?
Are you breastfeeding?
Is the baby gaining weight?
Fewer people ask how you are doing—and stay long enough to hear the real answer.
You may be recovering from birth while sleeping in short stretches and trying to understand what your baby needs.
Your body may hurt. Feeding may be much harder than you expected. You may feel like your body no longer belongs to you.
You may be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone.
You may become angry with your partner because their life seems to have changed much less than yours.
Then you may feel guilty for being angry.
You may miss your work, your freedom, your old body, your relationship, your friends, or the person you were before becoming a mother.
Missing your old life does not mean that you do not love your baby.
Becoming a mother can bring something new into your life while also asking you to let go of parts of your old life. Both can be true.
You Do Not Have to Wait Until You Are in Crisis
It can be difficult to know what is normal exhaustion and when you need more support.
You may tell yourself:
“Other women have it harder.”
“Maybe I just need to try harder.”
“Why can’t I just be grateful?”
“I should be able to handle this.”
You do not have to wait until you completely fall apart.
You can reach out when your feelings are strong, are not going away, or are making everyday life harder.
Maybe you cannot relax, sleep, eat, leave the house, care for yourself, or feel present with your baby.
Maybe you constantly expect something terrible to happen.
Maybe you feel hopeless, emotionally numb, or unlike yourself.
Maybe you simply know:
“I am not okay.”
That is enough.
You do not need to prove that you are suffering enough to deserve help.
When You Are Far From Home
Pregnancy and motherhood can feel especially lonely when you are living in a different country from the one where you grew up.
You may be trying to understand an unfamiliar medical system while also preparing for birth.
You may not know what questions to ask, what support is available, or what you have the right to request.
Even when you speak English well, it may be harder to find words when you are scared, in pain, or exhausted.
Sometimes you want to speak in the language in which you first learned what it means to be cared for.
Your mother, sister, childhood friends, or other familiar women may be far away.
There may be no one nearby to bring food, hold the baby while you shower, or sit beside you when you are having a difficult day.
Video calls can help, but they cannot wash the dishes, take the baby for a walk, or let you sleep for two hours.
You may think that because you chose to immigrate, you should be strong enough to manage everything on your own.
But women were never meant to go through pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood alone.
Even one reliable person can make a real difference.
Your Own Childhood May Come Back Into the Room
Becoming a mother can bring back memories and feelings that you did not expect.
You may begin thinking more about your relationship with your own mother.
You may remember what she gave you and what was missing.
You may feel love, anger, grief, tenderness, fear, or all of these at the same time.
You may hear yourself saying things that were said to you:
“Stop crying.”
“You are fine.”
“Do not be difficult.”
“Other people have it worse.”
You may have grown up in a family where women survived by staying strong, working hard, tolerating pain, and not asking for much.
Maybe you learned:
Do not complain.
Do not cry.
Do not burden other people.
Just keep going.
These messages may have helped your mother or grandmother survive very difficult circumstances.
But now those same messages may leave you feeling that you have to carry motherhood alone.
In therapy, we will not sit and blame your family or try to erase where you come from.
We will try to understand what you learned, what once protected you, and what you may want to do differently with your own child.
Preparing Emotionally Before the Baby Arrives
Most pregnancy preparation focuses on the baby.
You prepare the crib, stroller, car seat, bottles, diapers, and clothes. You may take a childbirth class and create a birth plan.
That is all important.
But guess what? Here, we will focus on you first.
We will talk about what scares you, what you are trying to control, what you imagine motherhood will be like, and what feels difficult to say out loud.
We will think together about the support you may need after the baby is born.
Who will be there when you are exhausted?
Who will bring food, hold the baby, help with laundry, or stay with you when you feel overwhelmed?
Who will notice that you are having a hard time before you have to explain everything?
I cannot promise that pregnancy, birth, or postpartum will go exactly according to plan.
But you will not have to hold all the uncertainty alone.
I will stay with you when your thoughts are racing. We will slow down and make room for what you are actually feeling. I will hold your hand emotionally when things feel frightening, confusing, or very different from what you expected.
Together, we will create a realistic support plan—not a perfect one.
We will talk about what you need, how to ask for it, and what may make asking for help so difficult.
You do not have to prove that you can do everything alone.
Preparing for motherhood also means preparing to be cared for.
How I Work
I am a psychotherapist, a mother, and a human being.
I work with women during pregnancy, after birth, and through the early years of motherhood.
What I bring into the room does not come only from books or professional training. This work is also personal for me.
I will meet you as a therapist, a fellow mother, and another human being who understands that motherhood is not one simple feeling.
It can hold love and joy alongside fear, anger, exhaustion, loneliness, and confusion.
I will not tell you to think positively, be more grateful, or enjoy every moment.
We will slow down and pay attention to what is actually happening for you.
We may talk about what you expected motherhood to be, what your life looks like now, and what you are carrying alone.
We may look at why it is so difficult to ask for help, say what you need, or allow someone else to take care of you.
We can also talk honestly about what is happening between you and your partner, your baby, your family, and yourself.
You do not need to come to therapy with the right words.
You do not need to know exactly what is wrong.
You can begin with:
“I thought I would feel differently.”
Or simply:
“I am having a hard time.”
You Deserve Support Too
You spend so much time thinking about what your baby needs.
You deserve a place where someone is also thinking about you.
I provide therapy in English and Russian for women living in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Pennsylvania.
I offer in-person sessions in downtown Brooklyn and Brooklyn Heights and virtual therapy throughout New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Pennsylvania.
If what you read resonates with you, schedule a free consultation with me today. We can talk about what has been happening and whether working together feels right.
