Postpartum Planning 101: Beyond the Baby Registry
You've been trying to decide for the second week which stroller to put on the baby registry. The more you read reviews, the more overwhelmed you feel, and it feels impossible to get it right. The whole idea of having fun with the baby registry (choosing the best thing and feeling good about it) was turning into a nightmare.
You are not alone if you have been feeling this way. The whole idea of a baby registry really narrows parenting to the myth that as long as you have the best things, you will be fine. The baby registry totally dismisses the importance of emotional care for parents, the importance of tribe, and the connection.
I hear a lot from my clients that, during the first weeks of postpartum, people who visited them felt good about bringing baby clothes as a gesture of help, but what they really needed at that moment was something different. They wanted to be seen in their struggle, with their tiredness, with their exhaustion. They did not want to simplify their motherhood to this new fancy gear that would be a solution. They just wanted to be heard and seen.
Donald Winnicott, the famous psychoanalyst, mother advocate, and pediatrician, brought the idea of holding. Winnicott said that in order for mothers to care well for their children, they themselves must be emotionally held.
In postpartum, the parent needs holding just as much as the baby does.
Holding looks like being able to vent about how tired you are. Or you can share your ambivalence about being a mom. Holding also looks like friends organizing a food train, and you do not have to cook for the first weeks of postpartum. Holding means your other mom friend is holding your crying baby while you take a long-awaited shower. Holding also looks like getting help with the laundry.
This kind of holding cannot be purchased or added to a registry.
It has to be planned for, talked about, and allowed. So what are some practical steps you can take in postpartum planning that go beyond baby gear and focus on emotional recovery?
First thing, think about the importance of the tribe. Having a newborn and having parents can significantly increase the risk of isolation. Parenting can feel exhausting in the first months of parenthood. You can be proactive and surround yourself with support. Make sure you start building the tribe while you are still pregnant. Join the Facebook moms’ group. Introduce yourself. Go to the local breastfeeding classes. Go to prenatal yoga or Pilates classes. Talk to other moms. Invite them to grab a coffee. Exchange the phone numbers. Remember yourself, this is more important than a baby registry. Having a tribe will help you stay sane during the first weeks of postpartum.
Next step: think about professional holding. If you plan to breastfeed, get connected with a trusted lactation consultant while you are pregnant. Get a trustworthy pediatrician. Invest in the doula. Doulas are not only there to support you during labor, but also check in on you during pregnancy and the first days of postpartum.
If you have been prone to worry before pregnancy, the postpartum period might increase your risk of having postpartum anxiety. It does not mean something is wrong with you; it just means you need more professional support: a therapist specializing in perinatal health who understands the challenges of postpartum. You might also benefit from a postpartum support group.
Postpartum planning is not about getting everything right. It’s about knowing who will hold you when things feel hard.
Hi, I am Yuliya, a perinatal therapist and a mom. I work with moms just like you who feel overwhelmed. Together, we can plan for support, connection, and care for you.
