Rewatching Sex and the City in My 40s: An NYC Immigrant Therapist Reflects
My relationship with SATC started when I immigrated to the US. I recall watching it to learn English and try to understand American life. I was in my early 20s. I got hooked pretty fast. When I gave birth for the first time, I remember having my room and watching it. When I had time off from work in my late 20s or when I got a cold, there was nothing better than binge-watching.
Recently, I started rewatching it again. What’s fascinating about this amazing series is that every time I watch, I discover something new about myself. I've noticed I have a different focus when I watch than I did before. I am in my 40s, and the character Samantha and the process of aging feel so resonant. In the past, Samantha’s age felt so far away. I also focus now on how revolutionary it might feel to see women openly talk about sex, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy. I can almost see different parts of myself in the character. Miranda reminds me that immigrant women have a tendency to overfunction and put a lot into work, trying to achieve and be a strong woman, and having difficulty asking for help. I love, love Miranda’s sarcasm - that reminds me that expressing our feelings is not easy, and saying it through sarcasm and humor is much safer and less vulnerable.
Samantha… This character shows us what it's like to openly be yourself. Carrie… She used to be my fav character in my 20s. Rewatching now, I can see how she immerses herself in relationships, chasing an unavailable partner and these fairy tales with Mr. Big. I also notice how she tends to focus on herself a lot and is not available to support her friends. I feel protective of her when she starts a relationship with Alexander Petrovsky and then moves to Paris.
With Charlotte, I see the quest to find the perfect partner and create the perfect family.
It’s interesting to see Miranda’s journey to becoming a mother as a postpartum therapist, how unsupported she might feel around her friends, and how her identity shifts when she becomes a mother. I feel sad for Miranda when Carrie visits her while Miranda is trying to figure out breastfeeding. The show also realistically portrays Miranda's work-life balance as she becomes a mother. The show captures the absurd reality of being a working mother…
At work, a mother has to pretend she is not a mother, and at home she has to face her imperfection of not spending more time with her baby. Although it’s 2026 now, it’s still so true.
I have to say I did not like And Just Like That. It almost lost its playfulness and imperfection. The new show sounds too serious and scripted. In recent years, I also started focusing on the NYC streets; I love seeing NYC in the show. I feel a sense of belonging. It’s like I have a feeling: “I know this street and that place!” I’ve been living in NYC for more than two decades.
And of course, the show raises the rhetorical question: can women have it all?
As a therapist, I appreciate how the show portrays relationship patterns, brings humor, and features a therapist in one episode. How do I relate to Carrie? I don't have a lavish life in a brownstone, and shoes aren’t my thing. But I wrote a book, and I started running marathons. I also love Carrie’s curiosity when she writes. And it feels so good to belong. And although Manolo Blahnik is not my thing and I would never spend so much money on shoes, and I love comfort, I definitely agree with Carrie that women have the right to shoes. It’s such a big right.
I love, love that the show portrays different types of women, their vulnerability, humor, and their struggle. It also shows that there is no one way to be a woman in NYC, and that’s why I love it. And of course, as an immigrant parent and therapist, I love the absurdity of watching what feels to me like very “American” boundary-free parenting in the episode when a kid keeps pressing the elevator buttons.
As I rewatched another episode yesterday, I noticed something else: wow, the show is almost three decades old!! And I almost felt sad that people used rotary phones and actually talked on the phone. It made me think about how isolated our lives have become. Or how people used to go to work every day in person. Of course, I am not glamorizing it, but our life right now with hybrid or WFH is so different and contributes to isolation and loneliness.
I also notice that, watching the series now, I focus on how women allow themselves to set boundaries, ask for what they want, not take the traditional route, be silly sometimes, and not be perfect. I think for immigrant women raised to be strong, endure hardship, not ask for help, and take care of others, this series is almost therapeutic. The show models something important: making mistakes, asking what we want, noticing and allowing the desire, being yourself, and much more. And another thing I agree with the show on: there is no other place like NYC. I love, love living in NYC, love the streets, the busy commute, the train, the people, and the diversity. And I feel a sense of belonging to NYC.
