Is Your Baby Sleeping Through the Night? Why This Question Feels Like Getting a C on Your Motherhood Report Card?

You thought you graduated high school. You thought you survived college. You’ve been working for years. And then — boom — apparently report cards aren’t a relic of the past. They show up in motherhood.

What??? Yes.

Welcome back to feeling not good enough, to feeling like crap, to comparing yourself and deciding others must be doing better. You didn’t leave this behind in elementary school when you got a C on the spelling test. Nope. You’ve carried this lovely little gift right into your parenting journey.

“No!” you say. “That’s ridiculous.”
Yes, my dear. You do.

The Lovely Question

The number one question my postpartum clients hear from strangers, family members, even the cashier at Trader Joe’s is this gem:

“Is your baby sleeping through the night?”

Usually, people ask it with a smile or with some real concern on their face. But here’s the problem: this “innocent” question has the power to send your nervous system into overdrive.

You might notice butterflies in your stomach or tension in your chest, sweaty palms. And most importantly, you don’t feel your passport age anymore. You’re seven or eight again.

You’re sitting in elementary school. The teacher calls on you to answer a math question. Your mind goes blank. She gives you that judgmental look and says, “That’s not good.” Then she calls on another girl, who answers smoothly and gets praised.

Yes, yes, yes — you remember that!! You don’t forget this feeling.

And when someone asks, “Is your baby sleeping through the night?” that same old C-minus feeling shows up. Apparently, this is your motherhood test.

The Grade

Yes, C. Not A, not even B. Because the truth is: your baby is not sleeping, not cooperating with the schedule. And you are tired and exhausted — trying to implement family members’ advice, scrolling Instagram posts, and desperately trying to catch up with those moms who seem to be getting A’s.

The ones whose babies are “sleeping through the night.”

Or at least that’s what they tell you. Or what you hear. Somebody else is always doing better, and you are not doing enough.

Who’s Handing Out the Grade?

So who is giving you the C? The person asking you this question — or are you inducting yourself into this dynamic too?

What??? Yes, my dear! You’ve had this piece of the puzzle for a while — feeling not good enough, feeling somebody else is better. Motherhood just creates fertile soil for these old feelings, grading, and metrics.

The next question I hear from moms is: “What should I do??” — in a frantic voice.

The first thing: bring awareness. Notice that this is how you live in the world, how you relate to yourself and others. This isn’t something new.

The person asking you the question suddenly doesn’t feel like just that person. They might feel like your old elementary school teacher or your parent. And instead of being the adult with life experience and a career — and now also a mom — you shrink into the little girl who feels terrified of judgment and who hasn’t yet learned how to support herself.

Validating the Little Girl Inside

So how can you see this little girl inside of you and validate her?

Tell her: You are doing enough. You have the right to be here.

Feel your legs on the floor.
Feel the stroller in your hands.
Notice today’s date. Notice what year it is.

You are not back in that classroom. You are not seven years old. You are here, now — a mom, an adult, a human being doing her best.

Final Thoughts

My grandmother always used to say a Yiddish proverb: “Why cry if we can laugh?”

Motherhood gives you plenty of reasons to cry — but sometimes laughing at the absurdity is exactly what helps you breathe. And if you’ve ever felt like you’re getting graded on your baby’s sleep, trust me: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry that shame quietly.

If you resonate with my dark sense of humor and want to continue this conversation with me — to take a deep dive into the good, the bad, and the ugly of motherhood, to laugh and cry about what makes you and what breaks you as a mom — contact me.

If what you just read resonates with you and you want more support in your motherhood journey, schedule a free consultation today.

I’m Yuliya Golubev, a bilingual therapist (Russian and English) — and also a mom. I work with mothers like you to help develop self-support and compassion, so you can navigate motherhood without constantly feeling like you’re being graded.