Breaking Up on a Post-it, or the Importance of Termination in Therapy
If you love Sex and the City—the old ones, not the new ones (I never finished those, honestly)—you probably remember the episode when Burger broke up with Carrie on a Post-it. No conversation, no explanation. Just a note. She was devastated, carrying that little note around, showing it to her friends, even to a police officer, trying to make sense of it.
My Breakup on a Post-it
Recently, I had my own “Post-it breakup.” Not with Burger, of course, but with the pediatrician my kids had seen for over a decade. One day I called to make an appointment and was met with a voicemail: “The office is permanently closed; if you have an emergency, please call 911.” I thought it had to be a mistake, so I kept calling, checked Google for office hours, even asked my husband to stop by in person. That’s when he sent me a picture of a handwritten note taped to the door: “Office permanently closed.”
I felt disbelief, worry, and anger—not only about what happened to our doctor, but also about being left without a chance to say goodbye. And there I was, standing in the park telling my mom friends about it, half in disbelief myself: “Our pediatrician just disappeared. No warning, no explanation. I don’t even know where my kids’ medical records are.” It felt surreal, like Carrie holding up that Post-it, trying to make sense of an ending that didn’t make sense.
My first thought was whether our doctor was okay or even alive. I also wondered if there was more to the story—some “real” reason the office had closed with no communication. Mostly, I felt angry for not being properly informed and, most importantly, for not getting a chance to say goodbye to the doctor I had trusted for over a decade.
As I was experiencing fear, confusion, and anger, it struck me that my relationship with the pediatrician had been terminated abruptly. In that moment, I thought about how a therapeutic relationship offers something different: the opportunity for a proper ending.
Why Termination Matters
Therapy is like a mirror for the patterns we have outside of the therapy office. If you’ve had a history of sudden or painful endings, a good therapy ending can actually become one of the most healing parts of the process. It gives you a chance to practice what a healthy goodbye feels like.
The 3 Rs of Ending Therapy
Gestalt therapist Dave Mann describes three key parts of a good ending: reminisce, regret, and remember.
Reminisce: looking back together on the journey—what it was like to begin, and what has changed along the way.
Regret: naming the things that feel unfinished or left unsaid. For people who tend to please others, this can be a powerful step and a freeing experience.
Remember: highlighting the moments of growth that stand out—like the first time you allowed yourself to get angry in session, or the time you felt deeply seen. A therapist might say, “I still remember the moment you expressed your anger in session—how powerful you were, and how proud you felt.” Or the client might say, “I remember when you teared up after I shared news about my mom’s health problem. I felt so seen in that moment.”
A planned ending protects the trust that was built, and it shows that the care was real from start to finish. Sometimes it means setting aside a few sessions to reflect, celebrate, and talk honestly about what comes next. It’s also a time to prepare for future challenges and make sure support continues if needed.
Healing Through Endings
Endings in therapy can evoke a range of emotions, including sadness, relief, and uncertainty. But when handled with care, they can also leave you with a sense of wholeness—something many of us haven’t experienced in other parts of life. A good ending reminds us that goodbyes don’t have to be abrupt or wounding. They can be thoughtful, caring, and complete.
Part of a therapist’s ethical responsibility is making sure that endings don’t feel abrupt or abandoned. A thoughtful termination means preparing together—deciding on an end date, reflecting on the progress you’ve made, and noticing the changes that stand out. It’s also a chance to talk through what challenges might show up after therapy and how you’ll handle them.
Endings are a part of life, but we rarely pause to acknowledge them. In therapy, slowing down to notice the ending isn’t only about closure. It also offers a model of what a healthy goodbye can look like. For many people, this becomes the first time an ending feels intentional, caring, and complete—very different from how goodbyes may have happened in the past.
If you’re curious about starting therapy or wondering how to navigate an ending, I welcome you to reach out. Together, we can create the kind of therapeutic journey—and ending—that feels thoughtful and supportive.
I’m Yuliya Golubev, a bilingual therapist providing therapy in Russian and English. I’m also a certified Gestalt therapist, supporting clients through life transitions, relationships, and the complex emotions that come with beginnings and endings. I offer therapy services to individuals and parents in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Pennsylvania, both in-person and online.
References
Mann, D. (2010). Gestalt Therapy: 100 Key Points and Techniques. Routledge.
Vasquez, M. J. T., Bingham, R. P., & Barnett, J. E. (2008). Psychotherapy termination: Clinical and ethical responsibilities. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 64(5), 653–665.
