Making Mom Friends: A NYC Gestalt Therapist’s Guide from Loneliness to Connection

The Lonely Side of Motherhood

Many new mothers share with me their profound sense of isolation. One of the most common goals I work with moms on is to help them develop a tribe — mom friends. Mom friends can provide an amazing sense of support for normalizing the postpartum journey, its challenges, and a place to share highs and lows of motherhood. Having mom friends can be a valuable resource to prevent postpartum depression.

Making Friends Isn’t Rocket Science — So Why Is It So Hard Now?

Making friends isn’t rocket science. You’ve done it before — in kindergarten, in the high school cafeteria, or in the first months of college. You already know what to say and what to do.

So I’m not going to waste your time giving you a script for small talk. What I hear most often from my clients isn’t about what to say — it’s about the internal barriers that make it hard to reach out, to be visible, to offer friendship, or to maintain one.

The Barriers to Connection

Barrier #1: Fear of Rejection
Ta-da… you guessed it: the oldie but goodie — fear of rejection.

As a mom, you might feel scared to take the first step because you worry about being judged or dismissed. Maybe another mom will critique your parenting style, your look, how quickly (or not) you’re “bouncing back,” how your baby sleeps, how you feed your baby… and the list goes on.

Fear of rejection doesn’t just come from the present moment. It carries echoes of the past — old experiences of not feeling accepted. In Gestalt therapy, we look at how these old voices live in us now and how they can stop us from reaching out.

Barrier #2: Comparison
If fear of rejection wasn’t enough, along comes its close cousin — comparison.

You meet another mom at the playground and suddenly notice everything she seems to be doing “better.” Maybe her baby sleeps through the night. Maybe she looks like she bounced back effortlessly. Maybe she talks about her supportive partner while you’re barely keeping your head above water.

Comparison sneaks in fast, and social media makes it even louder. We end up stacking our messy, real-life insides against someone else’s polished outside.

From a Gestalt perspective, comparison often hides a deeper truth: it’s less about the other person and more about the parts of ourselves we struggle to accept.

Barrier #3: Exhaustion & Overwhelm
Sometimes the biggest barrier isn’t rejection or comparison — it’s just pure exhaustion.

In the postpartum months, every ounce of energy goes into feeding, changing, soothing, and maybe sneaking in a shower. The thought of putting on real clothes, packing a diaper bag, and meeting another mom can feel impossible.

Clients often tell me, “I want friends, but I just don’t have the energy to invest.” And that’s real. In Gestalt therapy, we’d say your energy is “tied up” in survival tasks. Until you reclaim even a small pocket of space for yourself, reaching out can feel like another impossible demand.

Barrier #4: Avoidance (“I Had Friends Once… But Not Anymore”)
Another quiet barrier I hear a lot in therapy is avoidance.

It sounds like this: “I had close friends in the past — in high school, in college, at my first job. But now? I’m too old. I don’t have the energy. Real friendships don’t happen anymore.”

Avoidance shows up as that inner story that convinces you it’s not even worth trying. Sometimes it comes from grief — missing the ease of friendships that used to form naturally. Sometimes it’s a defense, a way to protect yourself from the risk of being let down.

From a Gestalt perspective, avoidance is a way of pulling back from contact. It feels safer in the moment, but it also cuts you off from the possibility of new connection. You end up reinforcing the very loneliness you long to escape.

The truth? Friendship doesn’t have an expiration date. Yes, it looks different after kids — there’s less time, less spontaneity — but the human need for connection doesn’t go away.

What Helps?

So now that we’ve named some of the big barriers — fear of rejection, comparison, avoidance — the question becomes: what actually helps?

The good news is, making mom friends doesn’t require magic or perfection. It’s about taking small steps, noticing your inner voices, and allowing connection to grow in its own messy, real way.

1. Notice the Inner Voices

Remember those barriers we talked about? The fear of being judged, the comparison spiral, the “I’m too old” story? Those are voices, not facts.

In Gestalt therapy, we talk about the power of awareness. When you notice the critic saying, “Don’t bother, she won’t like you” — pause. Ask yourself, “Is this really her voice, or is this my old inner critic talking?” Naming the voice gives you a choice about whether to listen to it. Try to build a relationship with that voice. Try to understand what this voice is trying to protect.

2. Make Efforts

Remember when you were living in the dorms — making friends did not feel effortless; it was just the natural way of breathing. When you become a mom, you need to make efforts to show up in places where you can see other parents. Friends do not come to your Manhattan apartment, knock on the door, and say, “Please open, this is your BFF waiting for you.” No, you will have to make efforts and be intentional.

Join the local La Leche League if you are breastfeeding. Join local Facebook groups for parents. Join local mommy-and-me classes. Join the YMCA family swim — these are great places to show up and initiate conversation.

3. Stay Curious

Remind yourself to stay curious the next time you haven’t seen a text reply from your mom friend. Rather than going to the familiar narrative “She does not like me,” remind yourself that you do not know what is going on with her. Tell yourself, “I am curious why she did not respond,” rather than, “I know why.”

4. Take Risks, Be Vulnerable

Think about your BFFs. What is the common denominator between them? Bingo — you can be yourself without filters. Now the million-dollar question: did it start this way? Hell, no.

Remember the first time you had to inhibit yourself and, over time, shared with your friend your darkest secrets — and she still accepted you for who you are. The same applies to mom friends. Start testing the waters. Share something more or less vulnerable and notice their reaction. If it’s safe, share more. Without risk, friendships stay surface-level.

5. Show Up

Showing up is hard — but it simply means leaving the house with your baby. Yes, I know, I know, it’s not easy, and you have to prepare around the baby’s schedule. But trust me, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Go to the local playground. Take a stroll in Prospect Park. Go to the local mommy-and-me.  Attend a story time at the Brooklyn or Manhattan libraries. Buy a membership at the Brooklyn Children's Museum and a family pass to the Brooklyn Prospect Park and the New York  Aquarium.

Final Thoughts

If what you’ve read here resonates, you don’t have to carry that loneliness alone. Reaching out for connection — whether to another mom at the park or to a supportive therapist — can be the first step toward feeling less isolated.

If you’d like a safe space to explore these barriers and practice new ways of connecting, I’d be honored to work with you. Schedule a free consultation today. Motherhood is challenging, but it doesn't have to be a lonely experience — rather, it can be a place of connection and support.