Working Out 101: When Your Inner Coach Thinks You’re Training for the Olympics
You’d been waiting for that six-week postpartum check — honestly, even when you were still pregnant. You went to the gym. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You did not like what you saw — which is an understatement. Then you looked around — you were surrounded by fit women. A thought came to your mind: You need a plan. You need to really start working out, not just trying.
And then you heard this voice in your head:
No more bagel with cream cheese in the morning. No more lying in bed in the morning. No more excuses.
The voice continues: I do not care that you gave birth. Look around. Did you ever look at yourself in the mirror? You look fat. You really look fat.
The voice almost started screaming and turned into yelling.
And you were standing and listening to this voice inside of you.
Your voice sounded like a Russian Olympic coach — like in those YouTube videos where you saw athletes being yelled at, screamed at, and abused as they were trained to get a medal. Their whole life revolved around it — nothing else.
You looked around with energy and determination and found an empty treadmill. You started running. You soon realized that you were out of breath. The moment you stopped to drink some water, your inner coach started yelling at you: Stop making excuses. Look at yourself. You are fat — F-A-T.
As you listened to the coach and agreed with what they said, you made your best effort to start running again, but your body had a different plan and refused to cooperate with you or your coach.
Your body had a different voice: I’m tired, out of breath. I cannot run right now. I need some understanding — I gave birth to a human six weeks ago. I cannot perform under pressure.
All of a sudden, you were confused about which voice to hear. Your inner coach began yelling again, and you decided to try running once more.
You noticed that your inner coach’s voice was louder and had more authority over your body. The inner coach treated you like an athlete, not a mom who just gave birth and is trying to work out. The inner coach was result-driven — faster, higher, stronger. The inner coach only used yelling, scaring, and shaming tactics to motivate you. And you were listening to this voice, almost agreeing with everything it was saying.
All of a sudden, you had an a-ha moment. You realized how often you give power to shame and pressure — and how little space there is for compassion, the reality of being a mom, and sustainability.
And then your body’s voice took over and became louder and louder, speaking the truth: You are a mom. You just gave birth to a little human. You’re taking care of a baby, which is physically and emotionally exhausting. You are not an Olympic athlete. You’re a mom trying to figure out what’s sustainable.
As you listened to that voice, all of a sudden a feeling of warmth started to grow inside of you — a quiet sense of gratitude.
All of a sudden, you wanted to agree with this new voice inside of you — you are fucking right! am a human. I am a mom. I am not an Olympic athlete. My body is sore, my boobs are leaking, I needed to pump an hour ago, and I didn’t sleep last night or the night before.
What happened to the Russian inner coach, you would ask? Did it disappear magically? Is it a fairytale — be kind to yourself, love your body, bla bla bla? No, the inner Russian coach did not disappear into nowhere. It was just a moment of movement and shift — aligning with a new part of you and noticing the impact of it.
If what you read resonates with you and you want to find out what happened next to this voice, schedule a free consultation with me today. I am Yuliya Golubev, a Gestalt therapist and a mom. I work with moms like you who put lots of pressure on themselves to succeed. Together, we will unpack different parts of yourself and try to understand where they are coming from and the messages they are saying to you.
